I Spent $1,000 on a Weekend With a Friend I Don’t Even Like. Now I’d Like to Ask Her an Awkward Question.
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I recently had an online friend visit me and my partner for the first time in real life. We spent the weekend doing various activities and eating at restaurants. By the end of the weekend, it had become clear to me that she wasn’t someone whose company I particularly enjoyed, a nd I didn’t want to deepen or really even continue the friendship. But now I have an issue I need help with.
I spent roughly $1,000 entertaining her over the course of four days, which I didn’t even enjoy. This is a LOT of money for me. She paid for one meal (despite her talking frequently about how well she was doing financially). Is there a way I can recoup some of these costs? What would be a polite and non-confrontational way to ask her to contribute to the things she participated in? Or should I just drop it and cut my losses?
Before your online friend came down, did you both discuss who would pay for what? It’s not out of the ordinary to treat someone to a meal or activities if they spent their own money coming to see you. What’s not normal is spending $1,000 over the course of four days and never discussing how to split the bill. She might not be as loaded as you think, which could explain why she was OK with letting you cover her trip.
Your approach to getting reimbursed is dependent on what was said during the transaction. Did she offer to help, and you told her to send you money later? Did you tell her not to worry about it? Or, did she not offer to help at all, and you swiped your card anyway? For the first two scenarios, it’s pretty cut and dry. The last one not so much.
If she offered to pay you back, thank her for visiting and share the amount that she owes you with details on how to transfer the money to you, along with asking when you should expect the payment. If you told her not to worry about it, ask her if it’s too late to take her up on her offer to chip in, then ask how much she can contribute toward the amount of money dropped over the weekend. (Sure, this might be awkward—but you don’t seem keen on developing the friendship anyway!) If neither of you mentioned payment, tell her you had a great weekend, and you’re reaching out because you just realized you had never discussed how you would be splitting the bill. Yes, it will be out of the blue and just as uncomfortable for both you and her. Hopefully, she’ll agree and have the money to pay you back. Moving forward, always discuss who owes what before picking up the tab.
From: I Somehow Ended Up Footing The Bill For My Friend’s Entire Vacation . (March 10th, 2023).
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I have a question that involves ethics and math. My mother is 72 and retired; she owns her home. She has about $2 million in savings, and the interest from that account—combined with social security—is enough for her to live comfortably. She’s in good health and is a very lovely person. I’m 38 and married. In the next few years, I would really like to move so that my kids can attend a better school district. We’re not looking to upsize anything—we’d plan to get a house the same size and price as the one we have now, with a mortgage of about $500,000. The problem is that the mortgage we have now is at 3.375 percent—and current mortgage rates would mean that buying a new home at the new rates would make our monthly payment almost double. We can’t afford it.
I asked my mother if she would consider selling us a mortgage. She said yes before I could even finish asking the question. But here’s my question: What should the rate on that mortgage be? I’m not sure what she’s earning at her current bank. Maybe 4 percent? Does that mean that our mortgage should be at that rate? What if interest rates increase, and it turns out she’s earning less from our mortgage than she would have earned in a savings account? Does that mean I should change the interest rate every year? But changing numbers might make it hard for me to budget… Help!
The good news is that the IRS publishes the guidelines you’ll need to utilize in setting up the mortgage. For family loans greater than $10,000, the IRS Applicable Federal Rates (AFR) define the absolute minimum market rate of interest your mother can charge on your loan without significant tax consequences. (If she offers you a zero-percent mortgage, for example, that could trigger taxes on the “gift” portion of the interest.) The AFRs are published each month, and the IRS will consider the month the loan was made in their tax calculations for the life of the loan. That would mean no annual interest rate recalibration unless you want to re-sign a mortgage yearly. So, if you began a 20-year mortgage in March 2023, your mother would have to set the interest rate at least 3.71 percent to avoid paying extra taxes.
If I were your mother’s financial advisor, I would be wary of her putting 25 percent of her total 2 million portfolio into something with the risk profile of a private mortgage , especially with the extra administration and legal burden. But we all have to get creative in current financial times. If this arrangement still sounds good to everyone, ensure you employ an attorney to draft the appropriate legal documents . It will cost money upfront, but save you from potentially very expensive future situations. Also, consider a handshake agreement to refinance the mortgage with a traditional lender in the future (such as when rates drop or your mother needs access to her capital).
From: I Figured Out How To Be An Ethical Landlord. Young Activists Don’t Agree . (March 6th, 2023).
This year, after an aggressive recruitment, I was invited to join the board of a nationally known, prestigious museum. I had several conversations with the board chair and CEO making it clear that I was to offer all my…
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