My Old Boss Has a Pattern of Ruining the Lives of Smart, Capable Women. This Stops With Me.
Slate · L · trust 37/100
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After nearly eight years at the same company, I accepted an offer for what felt like the perfect opportunity. I wasn’t looking for a new job at the time, but the owner of a successful small company in the same field recruited me. She said she needed someone senior to mentor her team and help grow the business. We had attended the same private school, and the familiarity made her seem trustworthy. She offered me a significant salary increase, and after so many years at my previous agency, I decided to take the leap.
Within days, I realized it wasn’t going to work. Nothing was ever right. Instructions changed constantly. Decisions were second-guessed. She micromanaged every detail while expecting complete independence. She repeatedly reminded me of my title despite it being a lateral move from my previous role. She criticized the other two employees behind their backs and encouraged me to do the same after I’d known the team for only a few hours! She was incredibly uncomfortable with employees communicating without her, despite the fact that she wanted me to manage them.
I later learned there had been a long pattern of people leaving or being pushed out after very short tenures. Based on the other employees’ feedback, it doesn’t sound like a single person has left on good terms. The person who held my role before me lasted one month, and the assistant hired at the same time lasted only two and a half weeks. Since leaving the role, multiple former employees have reached out to tell me they experienced many of the same things. I am trauma bonded with people I have never even met before!
After I told the boss that I believed the culture she had created was toxic and was likely contributing to her employee retention problems, she terminated me.
The part I can’t move past isn’t losing the job, as I’m genuinely relieved to be out of there and collecting unemployment, it’s knowing that this pattern keeps repeating and she keeps terrorizing smart women that don’t deserve this treatment.
I keep going back and forth between wanting to move on with my life and feeling like I have an obligation to warn other people. I don’t want revenge, but I also don’t think this behavior should continue unchecked. Some of it felt so irrational that I found myself wondering how someone could repeatedly treat employees this way without recognizing the pattern. I am also bitter because she rescinded her offer to pay me a severance after I applied for unemployment (which she contested and I won).
Should I simply move on and let future employees figure it out for themselves? Or is there an ethical way to warn people about a former employer whose conduct seems to follow the same pattern over and over again? At what point does trying to protect others become something unhealthy for me?
Oof, what a terrible bait-and-switch, and I’m so sorry that the woman who hired you behaved so abominably toward you. This is clearly a pattern of behavior on her part, and it’s a shame that she is not self-aware enough to see that the common denominator in all of it is…herself.
I also want to acknowledge how traumatic this whole situation has been for you, and I recognize that you want to warn other potential employees about the role. However, I would urge caution here. I think it’s fine to leave one review on a site like Indeed or Glassdoor that is very factual and unemotional—instead of “this woman is a nightmare,” you can point to specific patterns of behavior, like micro-managing and unclear directives. And if you are asked by someone who is considering working there, I would of course let them know about your experience. But I think that’s where your responsibility to any future employees ends, and I’m saying this mostly for your own mental health. You’re not going to be able to move past this awful experience if you make warning the world about this company and its founder into a crusade—that feels like a recipe for obsession. Much in the way that authors are cautioned not to look at their Goodreads reviews, I would strongly suggest resisting the urge to constantly check on this company’s Glassdoor reviews, or to feel responsible for what happens to future hires. You have your own life to live, you’ve done your duty, and now it’s time to move on.
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I recently applied for another position in my company. I already do a lot of the work in my current position, and have experience doing the other aspects in previous jobs. The pay is not much of a bump for the amount of work they want this person to do (I am friends with the person who held the position previously, and even trained them in some aspects of the job), but it would be more steady income and hours for me. More importantly, because this position will work closely with my department (though it doesn’t necessarily report directly to my boss), I would be in a great place to implement the necessary practices and policies to make everything more efficient. Long story short, I think I am a great candidate for the job.
However, when I went to fill out the application, one of the automatic screening questions asked if I have the degree (a B.A.) required for the position. Although I have over 200 college credits, I actually haven’t completed my degree. I am one class (maybe two) shy, and hopefully will finish in December. I wasn’t sure which box to check, but because I had to submit my unofficial transcripts, I ultimately clicked “No.”
I am worried that, because of AI, this will somehow disqualify me. I know that if someone were to actually read my resume and interview me that they’d hire me; it’s happened in literally every interview I’ve had, even if a degree was required, because I have a lot of experience and passion for the work.
I guess my question is, did I make the right choice…
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